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I Listen to mediate the Council, then they are listening in mediation

was introduced in Italy in a systematic way only since the 90s, although it is a practice already widespread and well-established in other parts of the world.

In reality, the solution "mediated" conflict is an ancient practice, of which there are traces from the Sumerian civilization.

would then be to say that the propensity of mediation lies in the deeper nature of human beings.

Hence the view that if the reconciliation struggling to be adopted as common practice the reasons for this were rather a cultural mechanisms.

Coming to osmosis from the Anglo-Saxon countries, notoriously pragmatic approach and this method of management, even before a solution of the conflicts has been on a collision course with the mentality that dominates the West.

For centuries, in fact, have breathed a culture of "adversarial," that is founded on being adversaries, on having to choose between one or the other, the need to establish right and wrong by taking positions and reasoning for exclusion .

This, inevitably, has brought our society to seek solutions to disputes in the courts, ie in places where a judge determines, accordance with the law, who is right and who was wrong.

Hence the courts clogged with cases and the resulting time exhausting litigation settlement.

From these findings led to two different considerations: first, the lengthening of time of solution often leads to further problems in economic and emotional terms, parts that already are in some way, affected by the conflict in which found. Secondly, the solutions often are not perceived as such, in the sense that if someone at the end of the process will have "won" the case will inevitably other things, the "lost".

Reconciliation is the real attempt to go beyond the logic dell'avversarietà to promote the alliance, to the friendly and shared. E 'a reversal of the paradigm which first must take place within those who choose to take this path to become the mediator.

The very process of reconciliation requires this paradigm shift, because it is the mediator and its ability to be a positive influence on the outcome of that place.

relational skills of the mediator, in fact, play a role as the approach, to continue the management and resolution of the conflict to end in front of where it is.

Before I be a path to acquire the techniques, the choice to embrace this role involves a personal journey, where it is necessary first to admit and recognize that education and culture in which you are bound to have lived Product prejudices and stereotypes. A good broker is one who comes to look on, and then changing, something that is accustomed to thinking of as absolute. The ideal is to be strong enough not to get attached to our opinions and overcome the fear of the unexpected.

Occorre essere capaci di  accettare, riconoscere pari dignità alle persone rinunciando alle presunte certezze e verità assolute in favore della relazione.

Pur rimanendo “equidistante” - o meglio “equivicino” - ai suoi interlocutori, il conciliatore sa accoglierli così come sono, ascoltarli e capire il loro mondo, comprendere il loro punto di vista non filtrandolo attraverso il suo.

Questo atteggiamento di apertura è base e fondamento di tutto il processo e su di esso si baseranno la fiducia che saprà conquistarsi e l’autorevolezza con cui guiderà stakeholders along the road that will lead them to find a satisfactory agreement and shared.

this opening will be based on the choices you make along the way, how will gather the information they need to pick up the broken threads of dysfunctional communication between speakers, each time choosing the most appropriate .

E 'on this type of arrangement of' be that unravels the do in the management of conflict, from the initial handshake of the parties with the conciliator in the final one between the interlocutors them.

Bibliography

A. Bruni - Reconciling agrees - Publisher Maggs - 2007

P. De Sario - Profession facilitator - Franco Angeli - 2005

Harris, T. - I'm OK - You're OK - BUR 1987

• Alt Sign

listening, in a mediation, you need to have two huge advantages: to collect valuable data, and give importance to the party (in exchange , as a natural consequence). Listening is

very different from "feeling.

E 'is also very far from "answer", far from "replicate".

The opposite of "discussion."

The request for hearing is inherent to every human being is anyone who needs recognition, ie be recognized by others in their own identity, in the self and its needs and difficulties ( usually real, sometimes alleged ...) and aspirations.

A mediator capable of listening can a conoscere meglio l'altro e, quindi, a tenere meglio sotto controllo la componente emotiva del rapporto che, non potendo essere eliminata del tutto, va gestita in modo efficace.

L’arte di ascoltare può essere imparata. La strada verso la padronanza di quest'arte passa attraverso l'ascolto attivo, cioè un modo di ascoltare che non si limita a recepire, ma che "prende l'iniziativa" per stimolare e gratificare la controparte, e in tal modo testimoniarle riconoscimento. Per offrire questa testimonianza nel miglior modo possibile bisogna sforzarsi di non giudicare. Si accetta l'altro com'è, semplicemente lo si ascolta, e anzi gli si dimostra che si va oltre l'ascolto, si punta alla comprensione. Le techniques to achieve this are varied and articulated, albeit essentially simple and easily mastered.

Active listening allows to achieve several important goals for the final outcome of a mediation:

1. helps solve the problems of others by giving them the opportunity to discuss and clarify Thus, their thinking;
2. reduces the tension and give the other the opportunity to vent, releasing the atmosphere of tension and hostility;
3. facilitates collaboration by those who, feeling welcomed and accepted, it stops at all costs to defend his point of view;
4. promotes communication often fails because one party has stopped listening;
5. develops an active mind in the constant search for what under the topic mail to the cognitive level;
6. can enhance the concept of self and who purchase an equal partner, siblings and equal value.

Active listening means

1. suspend judgments, not to define the other person or what he says. We just follow his thoughts, listen to understand and not to judge;

2. observe and listen, gathering all necessary information on current status;

3. put yourself in someone else's shoes, trying to take the point of view of his partner and sharing the feelings that manifest

4. checking understanding, asking questions, paraphrasing, clarifying, summarizing what we have understood or concrete aspects of what the speaker has said.

''The Seven Rules of how to listen''to Marianella Sclavi:

1. not in a hurry to reach some conclusions. The conclusions are the most ephemeral of research.
2. What you see depends on your point of view. To be able to see your point of view, you must change the point of view.
3. If you want to understand what another is saying, you must assume that he is right and ask them to help you see things and events from his perspective.
4. Emotions are the fundamental tools of knowledge if you can understand their language. Do not inform you about what you see, but how look.
5. A good listener is an explorer of possible worlds. The most important signals for him are those that present themselves to consciousness as a minor and annoying at the same time, marginal and irritating, because inconsistent with their own certainties.
6. A good listener willingly accept the paradoxes of thought and interpersonal communication. Face the disagreements as opportunities to practice in a field that passion: the creative management of conflicts.
7. To become skilled in the art of listening you have to take a humorous approach. But when you learn to listen, the humor comes from their own.

And finally a tour of the bad habits (and bad education) to recognize at a glance for those who do not listen:

1. interrupt

2. jump to conclusions

3. finish the sentence while the other is still talking

4. They change the subject frequently

5. not pay attention to body language

   6. non rispondono a ciò che gli si dice

   7. non fanno domande e non danno un feedback

   8. cercano di convincervi con la logica

   9. svalorizzano

  10. interpretano

  11. consolano

  12. danno ordini

  13. mettono in guardia

  14. fanno la predica.

Bibliography

Burley-Allen M. - Learning to listen - Franco Angeli 2003

J. Liss - The deep'ascolto - La Meridiana 2004

R. Fisher S. Brown - We find an agreement Corbaccio 2008

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"I feed on that food solum is mine and that I was born for" the Land of the free

"That evening, I return home and enter my study; et up the door I take off the garment, the Mayan, muddy lotus et et et I wear real clothes curial ; et coated condecentemente enter the ancient courts of ancient men, where they lovingly received, I feed on that food solum is mine and that I was born for, where I am not ashamed to speak with them, et ask them the reason of their action : and they in their humanità answer me: and I feel for four hours to any trouble, sdimenticho every trouble, I do not fear poverty, death does not dismay me: I done all their transfers. " With this image

Machiavelli, writing to his friend Francesco Vettori, 10 December 1513, concludes the story of an exile in his day on the farm dell'Albergaccio at Sant'Andrea in Percussina, a town between Florence and San Casciano in Val di Pesa. When I was a high school student was struck by the expressive power of this step, which Mario Selleri, the teacher who, in those fertile years, I drove along the paths of poetry, read it and said in a voice vibrant and bright eyes. In the passage, Nicholas rises and turns. Strides in its library to the solemn beat of a syntax that supports the surge of the heart. It is sacred statuary and while wearing "real clothes and courtly." It stands out in that austere and very human need for love that the "ancient men" to provide with food of the word, which feeds the man living memory and makes it a "mediation living." I wonder if we still capable of such a boost! No, not an upward momentum in the illusion of an unlikely ecstasy. But a long trail that slides in the center of themselves, where the word alive the memory of pure humanity. There is layered man's voice that echoes of eternal truth. It is the ἀλήθεια undisclosed, hidden, but visible in the moment of rediscovery. is the time for dialogue that intimacy is established between 'man and the living memory of the written word, through a living text.

In step I transcribed the metaphor of the book we read living which is engraved the letters of fire of millennial studies. It is the memory that is nutritious human hunger for truth.

More than ever, today we feel the need to "feed" of the words of ancient men "that awaken our humanity!

In dialogue with the "big diggers" perhaps we can say, "sdimenticho every trouble, I do not fear poverty, death does not dismay me."