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listening, in a mediation, you need to have two huge advantages: to collect valuable data, and give importance to the party (in exchange , as a natural consequence). Listening is

very different from "feeling.

E 'is also very far from "answer", far from "replicate".

The opposite of "discussion."

The request for hearing is inherent to every human being is anyone who needs recognition, ie be recognized by others in their own identity, in the self and its needs and difficulties ( usually real, sometimes alleged ...) and aspirations.

A mediator capable of listening can a conoscere meglio l'altro e, quindi, a tenere meglio sotto controllo la componente emotiva del rapporto che, non potendo essere eliminata del tutto, va gestita in modo efficace.

L’arte di ascoltare può essere imparata. La strada verso la padronanza di quest'arte passa attraverso l'ascolto attivo, cioè un modo di ascoltare che non si limita a recepire, ma che "prende l'iniziativa" per stimolare e gratificare la controparte, e in tal modo testimoniarle riconoscimento. Per offrire questa testimonianza nel miglior modo possibile bisogna sforzarsi di non giudicare. Si accetta l'altro com'è, semplicemente lo si ascolta, e anzi gli si dimostra che si va oltre l'ascolto, si punta alla comprensione. Le techniques to achieve this are varied and articulated, albeit essentially simple and easily mastered.

Active listening allows to achieve several important goals for the final outcome of a mediation:

1. helps solve the problems of others by giving them the opportunity to discuss and clarify Thus, their thinking;
2. reduces the tension and give the other the opportunity to vent, releasing the atmosphere of tension and hostility;
3. facilitates collaboration by those who, feeling welcomed and accepted, it stops at all costs to defend his point of view;
4. promotes communication often fails because one party has stopped listening;
5. develops an active mind in the constant search for what under the topic mail to the cognitive level;
6. can enhance the concept of self and who purchase an equal partner, siblings and equal value.

Active listening means

1. suspend judgments, not to define the other person or what he says. We just follow his thoughts, listen to understand and not to judge;

2. observe and listen, gathering all necessary information on current status;

3. put yourself in someone else's shoes, trying to take the point of view of his partner and sharing the feelings that manifest

4. checking understanding, asking questions, paraphrasing, clarifying, summarizing what we have understood or concrete aspects of what the speaker has said.

''The Seven Rules of how to listen''to Marianella Sclavi:

1. not in a hurry to reach some conclusions. The conclusions are the most ephemeral of research.
2. What you see depends on your point of view. To be able to see your point of view, you must change the point of view.
3. If you want to understand what another is saying, you must assume that he is right and ask them to help you see things and events from his perspective.
4. Emotions are the fundamental tools of knowledge if you can understand their language. Do not inform you about what you see, but how look.
5. A good listener is an explorer of possible worlds. The most important signals for him are those that present themselves to consciousness as a minor and annoying at the same time, marginal and irritating, because inconsistent with their own certainties.
6. A good listener willingly accept the paradoxes of thought and interpersonal communication. Face the disagreements as opportunities to practice in a field that passion: the creative management of conflicts.
7. To become skilled in the art of listening you have to take a humorous approach. But when you learn to listen, the humor comes from their own.

And finally a tour of the bad habits (and bad education) to recognize at a glance for those who do not listen:

1. interrupt

2. jump to conclusions

3. finish the sentence while the other is still talking

4. They change the subject frequently

5. not pay attention to body language

   6. non rispondono a ciò che gli si dice

   7. non fanno domande e non danno un feedback

   8. cercano di convincervi con la logica

   9. svalorizzano

  10. interpretano

  11. consolano

  12. danno ordini

  13. mettono in guardia

  14. fanno la predica.

Bibliography

Burley-Allen M. - Learning to listen - Franco Angeli 2003

J. Liss - The deep'ascolto - La Meridiana 2004

R. Fisher S. Brown - We find an agreement Corbaccio 2008